Someone told me that if I have a blog I have to have at least one fashion-y post.
Okay, that was a lie. I just wanted an excuse to talk about my hair. I promise it won’t be long.
My hair. Dearest, dearest hair. It’s this weird combination of very thick and then mixed with something very Scandinavian and thin. My natural haircolor is dark blond/light brown-ish.. Very boring color, so I dye it all the time. Right now it’s black as coal and I love it.
Before that it was red (not really red.. More of a reddish brown.. maybe a hint of violet as well. I don’t know, okay?). And before that chocolate brown.. And before that.. Well I had a period of time with very short hair that I didn’t bother dying.
And before that it had this very awesome burgundy-like color!
But I really love my black hair right now.
But what I really wanted to write about how difficult hair can be. When I wake up I look in the mirror and that’s how my hair is going to look like for the rest of the day. I can’t do anything. Even if I shower it will just turn out just like when I woke up. Sometimes it’s good, sometimes it’s bad. I can usually fix the very worst cases of “bad hardy”, but usually I’ll just have to deal with it.
No matter what I do with wax and hairspray it won’t last more than an hour (unless I literally paint it with hairspray and then it doesn’t feel like hair anymore). But I’ve found one thing that works.
It’s only the very front of my hair that’s long enough to braid, but if I braid it before I go to bed and then use wax as the first thing in the morning when I loosen it up. And then ad a bit of hairspray.
Then it can last all day.
Now I can only ask why on Earth I didn’t figure it out before. I feel silly.
I’m terrible at stylehacks.
At least I know how to braid my hair.
I guess we all have friends. We also have both old and new ones. But some people are better at keeping in touch than others.
I’m one of the others.
I have very few friends that I’ve known for more than a couple of years. Actually I can only think of one that I’ve known since childhood that I still see every now and then. Of course there are people whom I say hello to whenever I see them and I guess they’re still friends even though we’re not exactly in touch, but I don’t have those kind of friends that I talk to every day.
I barely talk to anyone from the first school I went to. I quickly lost contact with those who didn’t go to the same school as me afterwards. Then I got new friends on the new school, but even though I got friends I talked to every day I lost contact as school was finished.
Beside those who went to the same high school as me, there’s only one person form my boarding school that I’ve seen every now and then. I keep contact with another one as well and we text weekly (sometimes daily). Their both friends as well, so it all makes sense. But the rest of my friends from boarding school are almost disappeared from me. I haven’t spoken to my roomies since we stopped and I have no idea what my best friends while I was there are up to now.
Then came highschool, which ended last summer. I had friends in high school which I wouldn’t have finished school without. But I don’t see them anymore. Of course I’ve met some of them every now and then when I’ve been walking around in the city, but it’s only very few that I actually talk to. The one I consider my closest friend from high school is traveling in Asia and I still have to wait over a hundred days for her to come home.
All of this could probably sound depressing, but it’s not. Of course I miss people and maybe I should be better at writing people saying that I want to keep in touch. But I’m not sure if I even want that. It’s like it’s natural for me to just fall out of touch with people, even close friends.
It’s only very few that I feel like I’ve always have some kind of connection with. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost them.
So I thought about this funny thing. I often (well, all the time) talk about culture and religion with other people. I find it interesting, so obviously it’s subjects that I like to talk about (and research).
I often hear people talking about it like it’s a matter of Atheists vs. religious people (often Atheists vs. Christians, because the majority of our religious population are Christians). I don’t like to think of it that way, but I guess I respect that other people do. As long as they don’t expect everyone else to do the same.
But back to the funny thing. I often hear non-religious people talk about how annoyed they can get when religious people try to convert them or if they talk about how bad it supposedly is to not be religious. I have to say: I have yet to encounter someone who I think truthfully had the intention of converting me, but I have met quite a lot of people who’s asked me if I’m comfortable without connecting to God. I always find it a bit strange and I’m really not comfortable with those sorts of questions.
But what I find so ridiculously funny about it all is the kind of non-religious people and atheists who often make a statement out of how ridiculous religion is. People speaking loudly about how religion is the root of all evil and how a lot of the world’s problems would be solved if people weren’t religious.
Isn’t that just as bad? Maybe even worse?
I mean.. I’m not religious and sometimes it gets to a point where I actually get uncomfortable.
I don’t think religion (or lack thereof) should have to be something private. Of course it’s always okay to want to be private about something like that, but I don’t think it’s something anyone should be scared of sharing. As I’ve mentioned: I enjoy talking to people about religion. Not because I want to judge anyone, but because I want to learn and I want to understand.
When I ask someone why they have faith, I don’t want them to give me a logical reason. If they say that they don’t know I nod my head and think it’s beautiful. Why is it dumb to have faith in something just because you don’t know the exact reason why?
I’m still not religious and I don’t think I’ll ever be.
But not being religious doesn’t mean I should go out and expect everyone to be like me.
Maybe I’m the one who’s wrong.
I know it isn’t that long ago I started this blog. Actually it’s still new and I’m still getting used to all this.
Since I started this blog I’ve started to know myself better. Maybe it’s because I’m finally doing something with some of my thoughts. I guess most people reflect better when they actually talk or write about how they’re feeling and I’m absolutely no exception.
I’m still in a point in my life where I have absolutely no idea who I am. I don’t know what I need to do to find out, but I guess I’m not in a rush to do so. I feel fine, but I don’t feel complete. I need to find that hidden part of me, that I have to get in touch with. I need to learn how to reach it.
I feel like I’m always acting. I’ve written something like this before.
It’s not that it exhausts me (not all the time anyway) and it’s really not because I don’t want to be myself. I just don’t know how I even do that.
I’m usually honest when people ask about my opinion. When people ask me what my favourite movie is I give them an honest answer. I’m a terrible liar, so there’s not really any point in trying to fake who I am.
But even though I’m honest, I don’t feel real. It’s like there’s something missing. Probably that hidden part I talked about just before.
Where is it? Do I even want to find it?
Nice to meet you. I’m so sorry that we treat you so bad.
Sometimes I blame you for all kinds of stuff. Allergies, city doves, dust. But then I realize that it’s actually okay that you throw shit at me and everybody else. Because we treat you like you’re worth absolutely nothing.
And do you know the worst of it all? Some people deny that we have anything to do with it. They don’t want to use even a minute of their day to think about what we all could do to at least try saving you. Or just make you feel better.
I want to make you feel better.
But I say that as I’m sitting inside a heated house, using my computer with the radio on. The lights are on as well. I’m a hypocrite.
(Okay, so I sometimes write stuff down I guess would be categorized as poetry. Usually it’s in Danish though, but I thought I’d try to translate some of it and post it online. I figured this would be a good base for it. I’ve never had anyone look at anything I’ve written before, so I’m not saying this is quality poetry, I’m just saying that I wanted to post it.
I also figured that I wouldn’t add any context to any of it, simply to let my words stand alone, open for interpretation. None of my writings have titles.)
Tired of every breath intoxicated by a world we’re breaking down
The poison seeks, fills up every room left inside of me
Strangles me to death in a slow process
“Look at me!” I shout out into the darkness
And join in the choir of voices only thinking about themselves
Angry because every time I speak or think it’s only replicates
My words are just like yours: constructed by society
Neatly put together by strange powers
“Look at me!” I shout into the darkness
Along with all the people long forgotten in this silly world
Tired and lost
But at least I’m not alone
And I’m angry
Angry and scared
But I know I am not the only one
“Look at me!” I shout into the darkness
And then I forget.
Best title of a post ever. I know.
We’re finally getting to a season where you can actually feel the sun when it’s shining. That’s good.
I’ve said it many times already, and I’ll say it again: I love summer.
The only problem about summer is that I’m allergic to pretty much every plant coming to life now. It’s not that bad yet, but I’m starting to feel the irritation in my eyes and my voice is also starting to fail me.
Every year I hope that my allergies have gone away over the winter, but they come back strong every year.
Okay. It’s not that bad. I know people who suffer way worse from allergies than me. If I just wash my hands and my face every time I go inside, I’m usually fine (when I take antihistamines that is). But I hate it anyway.
Not enough to make summer any less my favorite season. Okay, it’s not summer yet, but we’re slowly getting there.
Also.. It’s April 1st. What a shitty day.
Note to self: Trust no one.