Change of music

In these days I’m part of the orchestra for a musical my local music school is doing. It’s awesome. I don’t really know anyone as I’m not part of the music school anymore, but it’s funny and they’re all kind and stuff!

It’s a version of High School Musical, so that’s just another point and I absolutely love it!

It’s the fifth time I’m doing this and this is the year with the smallest band! I like having a bigger orchestra around me, but now we have so much space in the orchestra pit that I won’t complain at all.

I’m playing the saxophone (alto to be specific). It’s my main instrument and also the instrument I’ve been playing every time I’ve been doing this. My first year I also had some parts on keys, but I actually prefer sticking to just the sax.

Music is an interest I’ve always had. I’ve been playing music since I could walk and I’ve been playing the saxophone since I was 12 (I think.. Maybe 11, maybe 13). I don’t play as much now as I did before, but it’s not because my interest is lacking. Lately I’ve been playing the piano a lot more and that means I’ve also been singing a lot more than I did earlier. I started singing again after discovering Arnór Dan. Well, actually I discovered Ólafur Arnalds and he’s made som tracks with Arnór that I really enjoy. I’d recommend his instrumental work as well though!

But there was something about Arnór’s voice that made me want to sing again. Not that I haven’t been singing at all. In high school I actually sang quite a lot, but not like this. I’ve been wanting to experiment and find out what my voice can do.

But I still have my saxophone and I still love holding it in my hands and I love playing it.

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All the pets!

Okay. So I like animals. I love animals. At least most of them. So I thought I’d write a bit about the pets I’ve had when I was a kid. Now I have two cats, but I won’t be writing about them.

I grew up with two dogs. The oldest was Tjalfe and I’ve always suspected she was at least half sheep or something. She was a mix of pretty much every dog in the world, I guess and she was the most adorable, lazy, loyal dog with long grey fur and light brown eyes (most of the time you couldn’t see her eyes because of her fur though). My parents had Tjalfe before I was born and my dad had given her the name. Tjalfe is actually a boys name, but my dad always said that when he saw her he was sure she couldn’t be called anything else.

The other dog was Freja and she was one of Tjalfe’s pups. Her dad was a purebred Field Trial and she looked a lot like him. People often thought she was actually purebred. She was very active and actually a quite good hunter (which wasn’t exactly good as I grew up on the countryside and she actually brought half dead birds home). She was scared of loud noises though so every time hunters were in the area or around New Year’s she always hid beneath my bed or in the shower cabin…. Funny thing was that she hated being washed so normally you couldn’t lure her to the bathroom.

I also had a turtle at some point. A tiny pond turtle I kept in a terrarium. I got it from my cousin, so of course I named it after him (I wasn’t very creative with names back then). I don’t really remember much about the turtle and I have no idea how old I was.

I also had an imaginary fox. I guess normal imaginary friends were too mainstream. I named it after one of my brothers friends (again, not creative with the names)… It was a cheeky fox and every time I did something bad I always blamed him. Such a troublemaker.

Obviously we also had some cats every now and then. They couldn’t stay inside because my dad is allergic and they were really just meant to stay outside and catch mice anyway. But most of them has been tame ones and I always gave them all kinds of names (usually names after other things though). There was Laban, Labina, Labina 2. And then Simba, Johanne, Mowgli, Judas and Møf(named after the initials of one of my friends).

So I guess that’s it. We had fish at some point but I didn’t name those. I don’t even know what kind of fish they were, but they were cool. I think. I wasn’t very old.

Fucking thursday

There’s nothing particularly bad about this thursday. Other than it’s a thursday.

I hate Thursdays. And I know I’m not the only one because it was an acquaintance of mine who made me realize that it was just thursday in general which was shitty.

The only thing thursday’s got is that it isn’t friday. Seriously. I mean.. I’m unemployed; it  doesn’t really matter if it’s friday or not, but it still sucks when it isn’t.

And that’s the thing about thursday isn’t it? In high school the worst mornings were the one where I would get to school and sigh “thank God it’s friday!” and then my friends would look at me like I had just told my pet died.

And then we would all cry together until the end of the day.

The only hobby I’ve had that took plays at thursday was football (or soccer). I liked it back then, hate that I liked it now. I could have used all those thursdays doing something awesome instead. Like… I could have learned to draw on those thursdays. I could have learned my dog tricks.

Okay. I probably wouldn’t have used the time on something cool and it’s not really fair to hate thursday just because I once played football. Fair.

But in school we always had the worst subjects. Maybe they were just moderately bad, but then because it was the day that wasn’t friday it was really the absolute worst.

This is how a week at school goes:

  • Monday: HIT I HAD TO GET UP EARLY… Well it’s all right. We have the weekend to talk about so we can keep entertained.
  • Tuesday: Ooh… Claire and Louise wasn’t at school yesterday.. Were they still hungover? (Catching up on the rest of weekend gossip)
  • Wednesday: Okay! We made it! Mid-week! WE CAN DO THIS!
  • Thursday: “Oh thank God it’s-NOOOOOOOOOOOO”
  • Friday: Cheers!

At least that was how high school went. I don’t remember school before that other than it being shitty and I’m quite sure we always had maths and german on thursday. In high school we didn’t follow the same schedule every week.

Okay, so this was two days in a row with weird entries.

But I really fucking hate thursdays.

 

So who is Lind?

I’ve thought about starting a blog for a while. I’ve even tried on Tumblr before, but I always end up getting insecure. Now this is different.

Not really. I know that. But I feel like it is and I think I’m finally at a place where I can do this, because I’ve finally reached the point where I don’t really care if anyone would find this important or not. That is a big thing for me.

So why make a blog? You do that because you have something you want to tell people, right? Sure. I do. I have all these kinds of white girl problems and those are exactly what I’m going to write about. This is my first post on this blog and this will just be a bit about me and what my story is. It’ll just be a long rambling of my schools, I guess.

That’s who I am. A white girl living in a small country. It’s almost illegal to say, but I love this country. I hate its politicians. I hate its weather. I hate how certain demographics of this small place are small-minded. But the country is great. I tend to hope that we are great as a people too, but I know I would be pushing it if I tried to claim that.

I’ve went to 4 different schools and when I look back at it they were all great. In the first one I learnt that people are different and that you can stay out of drama if you’re being real with the people you hang out with. Seriously. I remember so much drama, but I don’t really remember how it all started. I was never really part of it, but for some reasons my friends were always fighting. I think we all ended school as friends though, when we had to depart to different schools at, like, age 12.

Then I moved from tiny-town school to a slightly-less-tiny-town school. I think I was kind of an outsider there, but I never really felt that way. Again, I managed to avoid most of the drama even though I, again, watched my friends fight all the time. I guess that’s what we do as teenagers: fight. I hated PE, German and Maths, loved Religions Studies (It was just called Christianity, but we learned about different religions as well) and Danish (it was the same teacher for those subjects.. Maybe it had something to do with her). All my classmates did sports, I stopped playing football.

Then, at age 16, we were done. It was the best. I remember I really hated everything about that school back then. I hated the teachers, the students, the town, the parking lot (I really did hate that parking lot for some reason).

In the summer of 2011. Little girl Lind, age 16, started her year in Boarding School. In Denmark it’s quite common to take a year in boarding school. I learned so much that year. First of all I finally experienced what my social limit is. It was a terrible experience, but I’m glad I had it. I meant that I now know when to draw back and shield myself from the world. I also learned that playing music (an interest and hobby I’ve had since I was a toddler, really) is not necessarily just about “what sounds good”. It’s just as much about personal development as everything else. At least that’s how I look at it now. Thanks for that.

Then came High School. In Denmark that’s usually 3 years of school where you usually choose 1-2 main subjects. Mine were English and Music and I’d like to say it was the best. I still don’t know if it was, but I enjoyed it. I think my class was always struggling a bit. I’m not sure why, but for some reason we had a tendency of dragging each other down. It wasn’t because we were all lazy or depressed or anything, but often there was a bit of a “slow”(in lack of a better word) vibe. I liked my class though and I think I’ll remember them way longer than I’ll remember any other class I’ve belonged in.

Well. Now it gets a bit more serious. When I say High School was the school that broke me down, it’s not because I’m actually that broken. But it is a fact that I was way more confident and strong when I started than when I finished.

The first year was okay. It was fun and it would also have been quite easy if only I’d studied more. The second year was when I began struggling. I guess I struggled right from the start (a lot of the people in my class did), but it wasn’t until further into the year I finally cracked.

“You seem strong and energetic.” My biology teacher (who was also out contact-teacher) told me that in a conversation how things went. I remember so clearly how a few seconds passed and then I started crying. I don’t know if it was the first time since I started high school, but before that I definitely didn’t cry a lot. The year went on though and even though things didn’t get perfect again, they got better.

Third year was the hardest. I started out the year with a mild pneumonia and then just as I started getting better I got another one. When I look back at the third year of high school I really only remember me being more or less ill (when I think about it, it was probably my stress-levels destroying my immune system). I got tired of school, tired of my hobbies, tired of my friends. I started talking to our school’s psychiatrist, but it was shit (not because she was bad.. I can’t say if she was or not).

And there’s no need to go into further details. I was definitely not the one struggling the most. And I made it. I ended the school year and partied my brains out with the rest of the graduates in the summer of fucking ’15.

Well. It would be cool to be able to tell the story of how I found meaning in life then, but I haven’t really gotten any further than that. I’m still looking for a job, trying to make enough money to travel somewhere far away and stay there for a while.

I’ve kinda learned to play the clarinet though. I suck at it, but at least I know what I’m doing while I murder simple classical songs.

So that was a shitload of my background. Only the boring part that probably doesn’t really say a lot about me, but hey. Maybe someone I know reads it and recognize that it’s me. Or at least recognize that they know me. Who knows, right?