So an introduction to this post is probably needed. Not because it’s a deep or intellectual post or anything, I’m not even able to write something like that. But because I’m not sure if this is a common thing or not. Actually it’s really just a post about me and how I feel about certain things. Well.. How I feel about systems and structure in general.
I like structure. I’m terrible at planning and scheduling, but when I’ve actually planned out my week I’m having a much better week than when I haven’t. Sometimes I even just wish I could hire someone to plan my weeks for me, just so I can get some structure into my life.
When I go to bed I have to know what the first thing I have to do in the morning is or else I get stressed out. I’m not good with impulsive ideas and usually I’ll even say no if anyone asks me if I’m up for something the same day as we’re supposed to do something. If I just know right before I go to bed it’s fine, but even if I’m asked if I want to grab a cup of coffee with someone in the morning I feel my pulse rising.
I can’t stand when a picture is tilted, I need tables and chairs to align to relax. But my room’s all messed up. My books are on a straight line, even in alphabetical order (well, that’s probably just because I recently re-ordered them to procrastinate). But my laundry is all around the floor. My table is filled with a combination of DVDs, books, pencils, paper blogs.. Loads of stuff.
But my computer is always super tidied up. I have a folder called “Mess”, but it’s really not messy. It’s just all the stuff I need to find a place for, divided in categories, as it’s a combination of images, old notes and random documents I’ve decided to save. The icons on my dock are divided by color and function. Same goes for my phone.
The most satisfying thing in the world for me is when I sit down with one of my coloring books (I’ve recently bought some amazing Mandala inspired ones). That’s where I can fill my need for structure, by using a pattern in what I color. It’s actually different patterns, but it’s always easy for me to recognize my strategy. Even if it’s been a few days between I’ve taken my time doing it.
But recently I’ve found out that just as much as I love patterns and structure, I really find something oddly satisfying in random movement. Someone sent me a gif of a beetle moving inside of a box and obviously its movement was very random. My friend, an evil being as she is (she’s a really good friend though), thought the gif would make me freak out. Even I thought I was going to freak out. But then this strange thing happened and I just felt absolutely satisfied.
It’s weird. Sometimes I can really feel my skin itching when something is out of order, but then these things happen to me and I realize that our mind is really way more than we give it credit for.